It's Been A While....

Well, it's been a long time since I came on my Xanga site.   not that anyone knows about it except for...  um.... two ppl hahaha  ah well.. 

maybe there are more that I don't know about.  In any case...  a quick update of what I'm up to and such...

I am teaching voice lessons - I am a singer in a band..   that part is pretty much my favorite thing I'm involved in..   I am still very involved in church with worship/music teams and such.   Which I also LOVE...   and...I am still single.  Yes..    and I am completely in earnest when I say that I am enjoying it so much!    Sure, one day it would be cool to have find my lifelong companion if God has that in the plan for me..   but truly -   who could want more than the Lord Himself as the one and only companion in life??    I am so enjoying being me, God, and music -  which is the way I connect with Him most I believe.  But definitely not the only way.   God speaks to me in so many different ways!   THe more I get to know Him the more I want less of anyone/everything else in life..  I mean  -  not in the way that I shut everyone out and go live in the woods all by myself -   although sometimes for periods of time that sounds appealing :) .    No -   all I mean is, that the more I look to God and find fulfillment and joy and satisfaction and peace in Him,  the more I realize that nothing and no one else could ever give me such joy and peace and strength!  No one could understand me like my Jesus and no one loves me like my Jesus!!   He has infinite grace and mercy -and love and patience!!    

He is showing me constantly how I can trust Him to take care of every part of my life!   He is stirring a fire within me to live for Him alone - to not be in bondage to sin - as well as not to be in bondange to the box that church people often define as christianity!    It's burning within me -  I am so tired of the masks we all put on to look like we have it all figured out, that we're happy and okay, and nothing's every wrong. ....

I've been "taught" - by observatioin/specualation to put on the mask...    but I refuse!!  I can't do it anymore.   Oh it is such a habit that it's easy to put it on without thinking..but I want to realize it soon as I pick the mask up - so I can put it right back down and leave it to dissintegrate into dust and blow away!

I want to be authentic, real,   I want to be me-   I want to be the me that God desires me to be!!    It's not an easy journey but so much more worth it than what appears to be the "easy road"    In the end it only means pain and destruction!   But the path walked with Jesus Christ -   is filled with peril and difficult times but doubly filled with joy and peace and laughter!!!   He is our Rock, our Shield, our Fortress!!   

He is my God in whom I trust!!

Praise Him all you nations, lift up His name for He is good!!!

 hey, i like how this is kinda pointless since no one really reads this probably...  but I'll just add the latest in life...

i'm in a band, i'm single and although I really hope I won't be, I'm enjoying it, and I'm teaching some voice lessons out of my home(live w/ my family again)...      

i've a wedding to go to this summer, and another that I can't make it too...

i'll be working on my summer camp again, that my church puts on, counseling AND cooking...   lots of work but very fun! 

and I've gotta go, so that's a quicky...

  I am in an interesting place in life.   I'm being presented with all these opportunities..  most of them music related...   and it's so neat, but kind of scary at the same time, some of them.    But I am so excited for the things God is preparing for me this fall..    I know there is something, well, more than just one though..  but. anyways.  When I find out, I'll let y'all know.  

It's been a full Summer, but oh so wonderfully good!!!    And now I am going to have an oh so full but good fall and I'm excited for the crisp cool weather and long pants and sweaters and fun jackets and long skirts and  the crunch of leaves beneath my feet when I go for a walk.   *sigh*      I think it must be my favourite time of year, second to Christmas that is  *grin*.  

well, i'm tired , and hungry ...  and I have a suprise going away party to go to tonight so I need to go eat and then have a nap..   and then make a card, and then go!   

peace to y'all, the only real kind there is. 

well,   so..   the thing is..   I have potential for marrying..   he likes me a lot..   and he says I've been such a true friend to him...    but we're so far apart (a fourteen hour drive or so), which is why he's never said anything about a relationship or anything....   he said he's sorry for prolonging it far as he did..  and to please not be mad at him.   There is a girl that he's sort of seeing...   he's known her since he was quite young.      SO...       we remain friends.     I HOPE we remain friends..    that's what we were for a long time before anything else..  if I lost his friendship,   I lose so much more than just a potential for marrying..   he's one of my best friends!          He's not a jerk though, at least not on purpose.   : )     and I don't think our friendship is threatened..   he was awkward and seemed a bit worried at my reaction though..   I'm not the kind to just blow up and get all mad and 'never speak to him again' kind of thing..         

so there it is!   *sigh*         

Thank you God for ...  everything..   for the friend ****** is to me and I pray you will keep shaping him into the incredible man of God you intend him to be!     Help me please to see my next step in life!     Help me to remember my ultimate source of joy and happiness and peace and comfort..  YOU!        I love you.

     So, this kind of reminds me of candy, these colours  : )   

Well let's see.  This past week has been interesting! It has certainly been a rollercoaster ride getting my

rent paid!!!  

But as always, God is faithful, and he provided a way! 

Thank you Steph, my dear cousin/sister/friend, for helping me along with that!!  You are such a treasure!  I hope you know that!  You better believe me! 

and colour switch.  kinda hard to read?  yes, no, maybe so...      the other thing that is going on right now is well... there is this boy.  yes, boys, why do we bother with them right?   Can't live with 'em can't live without 'em.   Well, we were made to have a companion in life, for the most of us humans anyways...     but Steph I still haven't heard from him and I watched  A Walk to Remember today and...well...   whoooee....    those chick flicks just get to me.  Especially that one for some reason..  *sigh*

Anyway, so I await in agony and suspense; and then at other times I'm not in suspense or anything at all!   I go between feeling completely at peace about it, not worried, suspensful or anxious or anyting...to feeling a little unsteady, having butterflies in my stomach , or a tense stomach...bah!!! But one thing that I keep being reminded of is this:

my *Daddy* is the only One who truly

fulfills me and makes my life worth living

every day.  He is the One who

will always stick by me whether I'm a jerk or not...

and he will always love me, never leave me or

betray me!   He is the Rock I stand on, and

whether I figure out this 'boy' thing or not, He

has it figured out already, so I need not worry - only trust!

Well there it is,  my entry for today...   LOL        it's kinda fun I think I'll enjoy this 'xanga' thing.  : )  

I must accredit my hearing of it to Steph...   love you girl!

happy day to whoever reads this, probably only steph right now, but who knows..   :)